Colonoscopy Scheduled

First, we watched Gonzo last night, a documentary on Hunter Thompson. I so wish I had his writing chops. Makes me want to rethink my blog posts, but not sure his writing wit would go over on all. I haven't read any of his books, but thinking that I need to.

I decided that while I’ve met my healthcare deductible, and already just having so much “fun” in 2021 with doctors, chemo, therapy, surgeries, and since I’m over 50: Yes, it’s time for my first colonoscopy! Scheduled for December 7. I figured that I needed to wait a month + after reconstruction surgery to schedule this – I’ll have enough issues with getting my chest and stomach to heal that spending a night on the toilet wouldn’t be conducive to healing if I did too soon. Also, this is after Thanksgiving, so I look at this as a way to get any lingering Thanksgiving pounds out of my system!

Disclosures: I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am not a medical professional whatsoever. If you are concerned about your colonoscopy prep, I encourage you to talk to your doctor. This post contains a few affiliate links. If you click them and buy something, I might earn a small commission, at no cost to you. All opinions regarding colonoscopies are my own. 

I know that the prep is worse than the procedure – especially since they knock you out for it! I already know that I’ll do my first prep at 6 pm and then my next at 3 am (really????) before checking in at 8:15 am at my new favorite place: Medical City Dallas! Tony will have to take me – and pick me up.

I read all of the instructions the doctor’s office emailed me. Of course, none of the instructions are well – or cleverly – written. Guess they shouldn’t be since these are “serious medical procedures.”

Off to Pinterest I went for advice on prepping for a colonoscopy. Pinterest has been my go-to place to learn about all kinds of things as they relate to breast cancer. I steer away from the religious, quotes for breast cancer types and lean more towards the ones with a dash of humor. And, given all that I’ve been going through, humor helps. I don’t need to read about the details of the procedure, or watch a video. Hell, I still don’t even know about most of my breast procedures. Just give me some honest, well written input.

This article is hilarious (I audibly snorted while reading):

https://tearlines.wordpress.com/2013/09/16/some-extra-fun-colonoscopy-prep-tips/

My biggest concern regarding the procedure: using the word “fart.” I just don’t use it – even had trouble typing it. I “toot” if I do. Or “have gas.” I don’t… until this year, I had enough problems talking about pooping.

I need to remember to use my wii-fit balance board before, and then after, the prep. For those of you who don’t use a wii-fit balance board, it is very concerned if you work out, then take a poop break, and come back – about your weight changing! It’s also concerned if your weight has changed dramatically. This should be fun! I haven’t read anything about how much weight you lose during the prep, but I’m assuming that it’s quite a bit. I mean, poop has to add quite a bit to your weight, right?

I did a search on Amazon, and they actually have a book that from reviews seems humorous: https://amzn.to/3zhTkSC  (there is actually some funny stuff if you search colonoscopy on Amazon, but I'm pretty sure I won't be spotting one of the available t-shirts)

Before my procedure, I am going to make sure I have:

·         Plenty of toilet paper (the good stuff!)

·         Plenty of soap

·         Plenty of “butt wipes”

·         Plenty of Gatorade (only green, yellow or orange – god forbid red, purple and blue – even though I’m confused about orange being ok. Yellow + Red = Orange?)

·         Haribo gummy bears (they count as a clear liquid, but I’ll have to take out the red ones)

·         Clear broth (I like broth!)

·         Moved a TV into the bathroom – with seven TVs in the house, this won’t be a problem! I just wish we had a cart.

·         Vaseline

More in December after my first colonoscopy!