Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Lessons learned from crutches

I know I’m not the only one who has been on crutches. And I keep hearing Tony talk about the years at a time he’s been on crutches (in Germany, on ski slopes, up hills at concerts – you get the picture). I’ve learned some things during my time:

1    1. Adjust your crutches and the readjust as needed. This is not the time to lie about your height.
2.      Doors are evil (except the automatic ones). They are inconsistent and have no logic (e.g. some push, some pull; some are heavy, some are light). It helps to have a butt to get in and out of doors. Don’t even think about going near a revolving door.
3.      After a couple of days of being on crutches, your armpit areas will be really sore. And you would prefer to walk on your bad leg than use the crutches. You would prefer to crawl than use the crutches. 
4.      Underwire bras and crutches are not friends. While dealing with the digging into your arm pits, add the digging into your armpits AND into your underwire bra.
5.      Floors are slippery. Especially gas station floors.
6.      Those elevator doors that you think open and close too slowly? They are perfect.
7.      The handicap bathroom you could use because it’s vacant. Don’t. It’s great with crutches and I never thought I’d show disdain for someone who doesn’t need to use the handicap stall use the handicap stall.
8.      Running floorboards on a truck/SUV are a necessity. If not, a bucket of some sort may be needed to get in (out is easier).
9.      Carrying anything, especially a liquid, probably won’t go well.
10.   You may not know it, but you put your clothes on the same way everyday. Who thought that changing the first leg, second leg to get into clothes would be an issue. It is.
11.   Your nightstand is definitely not big enough.
12.   Bathing is a challenge and should not be done unattended. While you may make it in, you may not make it out.
13.   Grocery stores are BIG. HUGE.
14.   Amazon Prime is more amazing than ever.
15.   Stairs. Try not to use them. But, if they are carpeted, using your butt and arms to scooch up and down is perfectly acceptable. Even in public.
16.   If you’re used to wearing heels to work, and pants, your pants will be way too long to wear. You don’t want to wear heels with crutches. They probably would in Sex in the City – that’s a TV show, not reality.
17.   You will learn how to moderate your beverage intake. The more you drink, the more you’ll have to pee, and the more you’ll have to use your crutches.
18.   If you’re wearing Harley gear, someone will ask if you did it on the bike.
19.   All of the stuff you usually carry around without an issue (e.g. phone). It’s an issue.
       20 .Feel free to ask for help even if it’s not something you’d normally do.

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